Friday was not a good day. It was completely crazy. I'm not going to outline it all because you would probably think that I fret over nothing and the small things. And the truth is yes, I do. In third period I almost broke down but my friend promised me she'd buy me cookies during lunch. This is how pathetic I am. But basically in third and fourth periods on Friday I wanted to crack. I felt like everything was coming crashing down. And I became weary. The things I said and did, in no way reflected God. I was angry and frustrated.
But the whole time I was in freak-out mode, the holy spirit kept whispering in my head "Be still and know that I am God." I just kept ignoring it. My youth minister was talking about that verse the Wednesday before. But I don't think I really understood what that verse meant till Friday. I love the second part of the verse "I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted among the earth".
You see, I always thought that verse was about me. That the whole "be still" part was just God's way of saying that everything will work out in my favor if I just would sit still for awhile. But on Friday I realized how wrong my thinking was. God's plan is going to prevail, not ours. In the end, God's going to be exalted, not us. I'm on the drama team at my church and so many times when we get up there to preform I start to think about me, and my lines, and how I will look. That's when I start to get nervous, because I'm worried about me and my reputation. But God is the whole reason I'm up there, to glorify Him, not me.
So on Friday while I sat in Physics worried about my grades, and my reputation, and my life I lost God, and that's when everything came crashing down. When I forgot God. One day I was reading my counselor's blog and she was talking about how being overwhelmed is a choice. And on Friday I definitely chose to be overwhelmed.
I'm slowly learning how to lean on God and it's a daily struggle. To seek Him wholeheartedly and let everything else fall into place. I love to be in control and handing over the reigns to God has been an uphill battle. I'm just thankful for a God who doesn't give up on me, even when I give up on Him.
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 42:11
