Over the past year, the foundation of my faith has been cracked. I've been looking for some concrete answers, something on which to hold, something where I can say with confidence "this is why I believe what I believe." But I haven't found that solid evidence. In fact, I'm realizing that I shouldn't be seeking a concrete answer.

Think about it. If there were some evidence that was obvious and unquestionable that Jesus Christ is Lord, then there would be no need for faith, no need for trust, and really no need for Christ.

I believe the answer is in the eyes.

Just look at those who follow Christ when they talk about the Lord. It makes me think about my pastor and how he always has a certain radiance when preaching, or my sunday school teacher sophomore year who would get goose bumps when teaching a lesson.

I was watching a video of the Passion World Tour (if you don't know what Passion is all about go check out www.268generation.com. It is seriously worth your time.) and Louie Giglio, who heads up Passion, was talking about a man that helped coordinate Passion Tokyo. The man originally didn't want to help out because it was a Christian conference, but decided to do it anyway.

He ended up hanging around the conference center the night of Passion Tokyo to see what it was all about. He came back and told Louie the next day:

"I've never seen anything like tonight. The eyes of the young people tonight were shinning, and there was something different in the room. "

It's us. We are the proof that Jesus is Lord.

"But the Lord said to ananias, 'Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name.'" Acts 9:15

*All picture credit goes to Passion Conferences.

Shaken.

Passion was a whirlwind. One that I am still continuing to learn from. One of the most vivid moments I have from that weekend was during a song called Set Free by Chris Tomlin. Now I had bought the Passion CD a week or two before the actual event and fell in love with the song even before I got there. Set Free is basically a Christian version of a pump up song. So when we were in one of the main sessions and Chris Tomlin began to sing Set Free, I was ready to just go crazy. Luckily, one of my friends next to me was also loving the song and we went crazy together.

There's a line in the song that says "And we'll dance, dance, dance in Your freedom. O your glorious freedom, forever more." And basically everyone in the arena starts jumping up and down and dancing like fools for the Lord.

So there was about 10,000 students at this conference. And there are now at this point 10,000 students dancing for the Lord. It was a beautiful sight. But all the sudden my friend next to me stops dancing, waits a few seconds, and then turns to me and says:

"Mary Helen, can you feel it? The ground is shaking."

Sometimes I wish I could relive that moment over and over again. 10,000 college students jumping and dancing all for the glory of God. But then I think about how 10,000 of us are now scattered around the globe carrying the name of Jesus. One of the coolest things I took away from Passion is that I am not alone. There are still thousands of students and adults who passionately love the Lord and want to serve them with their life. Now, every time I look at my wristband I am reminded of that moment when the ground was shaking and how it must still be shaking because 10,000 plus of us are out there carrying the name that is above every name.

#It'sgotime #Jesusmovement

Slipping away.

I've reached a place in my life where I'm running to the Lord saying "Daddy I'm scared." I feel like time is slipping away from me. To where I can't make it slow down and savor everything that is sweet in my life. My mind is going in five thousand different directions.

I think what's rocked my world the most lately is the fact that I'm slowly realizing that I'm going to college in a few short months. Let's be honest. I never really thought I was actually going to go to college. Not in a I'll never get in kind of way but in a that's so far off, I don't think it will actually happen kind of way. But here I am, heading to MC in just a few short months. My life in Houston will cease to exist. I'm moving. And moving on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked. I sometimes find myself in class just daydreaming about being up at MC. But Houston is all I've known. It's always been home.

There's always been Monday night players rehearsal where Margaret tells me the newest story about something that happened at her school. There's always been donut Fridays in biology. There's always been Impact, and Camp Tallowood.

But when did I find myself driving down my street looking at my ten year old neighbor who I used to babysit when she was four? When did I find myself getting letters about senior recognition Sunday at church?

Life is moving fast. Faster than I can seem to keep up with. I was never supposed to go to college. I was never supposed to graduate high school. But maybe it's about time.

Lord, lead the way.

Comfort

This beautiful girl to the left is Diana. And I have absolutely fallen in love with her. I think some people look at her and see her disabilities and the obstacles she has to deal with. But for me, I just see perfection and God's masterpiece.

Every time I see Diana I'm always reminded of the idea of comfort for those who follow Christ. At Spark(our disciple now weekend) the speaker said "It's really great to live in America because we have everything we need. It's also bad to live in America because we have everything we need." It's so easy for me to get scared and stay in my comfort zone. I remember at Passion a few weeks ago just sitting in one of the worship sessions begging the Lord that I would go out and proclaim His name with fear and awe. That I wouldn't slip back into an easy life.

But I get nervous and I look around and think about going to school, and being in newspaper and math class, and all that biology homework I have to do. And suddenly I lose that ferver. I let the Lord fade back into a God that fits in better with my schedule. Because Jesus is sometimes scary. What I mean is that, following Jesus is scary. Getting yourself to the point in your life when you can say "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" is not an easy road.

Over the weekend, I watched a documentary called Beware of Christians that they had given us at Passion. Essentially, it is these four college guys who are Christians and they set out and backpack through Europe and ask people about what it means to be a Christian in hopes of finding out how Jesus "fits into American Christianity."

Well one of the guys was introducing himself and he said "Hi I'm Adam(or whatever his name was) and I'm a Christian, I'm just not sure I'm following Christ."

This is a scary statement. At least, it put fear into me. As Americans, it's easy to ignore the world around us. It's easy to live in our bubble, and only take care of ourselves. We're comfortable.

A wise friend once told me that kids with special needs are not here for us to teach them, but for them to teach us. And that's how it is with Diana. We're the ones with disabilities, not Diana. And the same is true for us followers of Christ who live in "comfort". We're the ones with the real disabilities. Christ does not call us to comfort.

I know for me, that means fighting daily the urge to serve a God whose comfortable to me.

I feel like there's not the right words, except Jesus.

How was this weekend?

-Jesus.

How was Passion?

-Jesus.

What did the Lord teach you?

-Jesus.

Did you like your group?

-Jesus.

How were the speakers?

-Jesus.

It just keeps repeating in my head: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...

No other name, mighty to save, Jesus, Jesus. May I strive for the the root of my joy to be Jesus. May I carry His name with fervor and awe.