Let it stir. Let is sit at the root of who you are for a little bit. Dream about it. Hope about it. Sing about it. Eventually it will flow out of you, in perfect timing. Let life keep moving. Let days pass without solidification. Let it happen.

For you have a beautiful life.

Don't talk too long, for it might get lost in words. Build your life on the source of it. Seek after The Fountain. Believe in restoration.

Adventure is out there. Believe it will come, for determination and pure faith will only lead you right into it's midst.

Quiet Days

I'm not one for quiet days. Ever since I've been in college, I never look forward to them. They normally come upon me with dread. I never understood why I was so against these days, because back in high school I lived for days like these.

Coming to college ripped my security blanket out from under my feet. I was 8 hours away from my family and the only home I had ever know. I had to make a fresh start, find friends, and even attend a new church. Now people had told me before I left what an adjustment it would be to college life. But I guess I always thought I was strong enough, I though my faith was unshakable.

But there's one question that goes through every college freshman's mind the moment their parents leave after moving them in the dorm.

You walk back upstairs holding back tears with a head full of dreams. You pull out your new dorm key and stare at it admiring the fact that you are now an official college student. You walk in your room, and take a deep breath soaking up all that freedom. You hop on your bed and run your hand over the soft clean bed sheets. You lift your head up, look straight ahead, and then ask yourself,

"What do I do now?"

It's one of those questions that I asked myself subconsciously and never really dealt with it. So I began to get involved with everything I could and spent a lot of time with others. For me, I felt like I was expected to always be doing something and that busy was a norm I should strive after. Activities and friendships became my idol as I hid behind being "busy", whatever that meant. But I began a long journey that day running from myself. I discovered that not everyone grew up in Memorial, America.

Establishing yourself is hard. For me, I feel like I got one quick glimpse of myself the moment I left home and I didn't like what I saw. So I ran.

Which brings me to my quiet days. On those days where life seemed to slow down and I have less to do, the question again whispers in my heart "What do I do now?" I sit again on my bed and wonder what in the world I'm doing. I stand in front of the mirror and see a person looking back at me I barely recognize. I look at my faith and relationship with the Lord and see how shaky my faith has become. I don't even know who I am.

Quiet days are hard because they make me face myself. They make me answer the question. And the truth about myself is that I haven't taken ownership of my life. I need to grow up. I need to be mature. I'm not a kid anymore. I never thought my faith was contingent on my parent's, and I still don't think it truly is. But the accountability of having parents that desire the best for me and want me to be holy in all I do, is something I lost when I moved to college. It's still there in a way, but now a days months go by before I get to see my parents again. I'm not day in and day out doing life with them. It's just not possible when they live two states away.

But the thing about having parents, is that there comes a time in every person's life where they must begin to take responsibility for who they are. And for me, that time has come. So now, I will welcome quiet days. For their reminder of who I am, of who I need to be, and after whom I need to be seeking. I will gladly sit outside, take an extra long walk, and write. Because it's time to face myself. It's time to shine.

Oh thank you Lord for quiet days.

Most days I hate detours. And since this drive totaled around 9 hours, backtracking didn't seem to lift my spirits. But none the less, our car took a detour through now one of my favorite cities, Tyler, Texas.

When I got my call in November from the Camp in the City director at Pine Cove, I was less than ecstatic. I wanted to be a counselor at an overnight youth camp, not a day camp for inner city kids. Since I was in elementary school, I had been a camp kid. I loved going to camp each summer. For me, many of the significant moments in my relationship with the Lord had been at some camp. I accepted the Lord when I was at camp in 6th grade and got baptized in the Nueces River when I was in 9th grade. But I accepted the job as a counselor for Camp in the City for that summer and never thought twice about it until May.

I came back from lifeguard training and orientation that June still not sold that city camp was the place for me. I still didn't see how this camp was where I really needed to be. But I still went back to Pine Cove that July and began to work as a counselor second half. And man, if I could only put into words what the Lord did in my life there, I could fill up a room of books.

We continue farther down our detour as I gaze out the window on that rainy afternoon. And then all of the sudden I see it, a green street sign that says: TYLER city limits, population 96,900. My heart begins to race as I try to figure out what parts of the city we'll pass through. We head on through north Tyler and sights around become more familiar. We pass the caldwell zoo, the family dollar, and the old antique shop. I see the sonic with the sand volleyball court and playground and suddenly the conversation I had with Jasmine Kim about her parent's restaurant, China Cafe, comes to mind. I'm on the edge of my seat as I plaster my face to the window like a kid on Christmas morning. I take careful note of the street signs as we head deeper into the heart of the city.

The car comes to a stop and I look at the intersection ahead. I prepare my heart and my head as the car pulls closer to a  street that has so many memories. We turn right on Broadway and I see the yellow brick church building. I see the park with the dolphin statues, and the red roofed shopping center with the old testament store. My heart is filled and the tears begin to well in my eyes.

Suddenly I am back here.

Faith Owens is back in my arms weeping while Jasmine Kim is tugging at my shirt softly calling "Smiles" desiring my attention so she can show me her latest sketch. I turn my head towards the back and Brianna Rowland looks up at me and gives the only smile I will see out of her for the day. I hear shouts and see Breona Butler giving the other kids lectures about her magic stick. I feel a kick on the back of my seat and Reyna pops up from the tent her and her best friend Emily made to say hi. Memories swell my head and I can not contain the tears in my eyes anymore. The Lord whispers in my heart, "Remember, my child, all that I have done." I take a deep breath in and soak up my surroundings. My heart remembers.

Reminders are so very sweet, although they don't last forever. Eventually we turned off Broadway and continued on our journey. I only got to be back in the place I spent my summer for a brief few minutes. My days now do not consist of bus rides with the Cumberland kids. They don't consist of JAM time, or FOB, or joke Thursdays. My days now consist of balance sheets, fixing copy machines , grading papers, tutoring, and photo booths. But you see the thing is, my God is still faithful while I'm signing a pledge's book and studying french, and writing prospective students letters. He still in those moments is using faithless broken me. He still claims me as His child. He still is reminding me that He is faithful.

Some days I wish I could hold Faith in my arms again or walk back onto the bus hearing kids scream "Smiles" hoping to get my attention first. But the thing about life is that is comes and goes in seasons. All are so different, we as humans tend to get hung up on one and forget where we are currently. Or sometimes, like me, we let the present pass us by like it doesn't matter. There is a time for everything. There is a season for every activity under the sun, I just hope I stop long enough to enjoy it.