Ok Lord, I give up.

You are good. You are faithful. Your plans for me are perfect.

I'm tired of frustration, and being scared of uncertainty. Instead, I choose to embrace the unknown in order to know you better. Lead the way Lord.

I will wait, Lord. Teach me patience. Teach me joy in the midst of darkness.

I understand that I have to trust you completely and not lean on my own understanding. I know I have to stop trying to figure things out, and let you work in me.

Help me take my thoughts captive. Help me displace the worry in my life with your peace.

Thank you, Lord. I so often forget that you have blessed me immensely, focusing only on my frustrations. Help me give thanks in all circumstances.

Mostly, I desire to have peace in waiting. Your timing is always best, so I will wait.

"Yes, Lord. Walking in the ways of your law, we wait for You. Your name and renown are the desires of our hearts." Isaiah 26:8

To my big sister.

Four years ago I met this senior named Mallory. Honestly, I thought she was the coolest person alive. Although she probably still holds that status with me today, my 8th grade take on that statement has grown up with me.

From the first time we had a conversation at the infamous youth council retreat that January, we clicked. She soon began to mentor me throughout her last semester of high school and into the summer until she left for college. I remember how excited I was every time she came up and talked to me at church. I mean, I was talking to a senior. Waaa?

She showed an insecure 8th grader what it meant to follow the Lord. She walked what she believed, and I desire to have faith like hers. She will always be someone I look up to, even though I'm taller than her. One day, I told myself, I am going to be a senior just like her.

I remember the first time I saw her after she left for college. The time I first picked her up and drove her in my car. The time we walked up to my middle school and prayed over it. The time we challenged each other not to complain for a week. The time she gave me the Bible that I still use today.

The crazy part is that I am now the age she was when we met. It is now January of MY senior year. I'm not sure if I am the person I wanted to be four years ago or that you are either. But here we are, and I'm thankful for who you've been to me. A friend, a mentor, and also my sister.

I'm not sure about this summer, the next four years, or my grade in government.

I'm not sure I know what it looks like to truly trust the Lord.

I'm uncertain. I'm broken. And I'm weary.

I'm tired of trying to figure things out, yet I so badly desire to be in control.

I'm full of paradoxes, and contradictions, and pride.

I want to follow the Lord, but I just don't know how.

I'm stubborn, fickle, and ready to give up.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manor of things shall be well.

I'm thankful that the Lord created such a thing as friendship.

I'm thankful for cold weather, scarves, and boots.

I'm thankful for biology, and cyclin-dependent-kinases.

I'm thankful for silly pictures, and surprises.

I'm thankful for good books, and late nights.

I'm thankful for change.

I'm thankful for skype and funny stories.

I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in the midst of my doubt.

"Are you trusting God right now? Remember that being obedient to what He has called you to is best. Know the Lord has created you as a unique treasure."

Today I received the letter I had written to myself back at Pine Cove this summer, and stuffed inside the envelope was a notecard from my counselor with the above words on it.

I am continually amazed at the way the Lord works, and at the way the Lord reveals His plan. I know His plan is perfect. I know full well. I've read verses about it, I've heard sermons about it, and I've heard stories about it. For a while, the thought has just been implanted in my head as a fact, and it hadn't really made it to my heart to where I believed it.

I love the Lord's timing. I love that the Lord speaks in unexpected ways. I love that the Lord reassures us when we step out in faith.

At the end of my letter I wrote to myself "The Lord is faithful. Put your hope in Him and you will never be disappointed. Rest in that today."

I love that that was exactly what I needed to hear today.