8.29.2010

The Anvil

"We are always on the forge, or on the anvil; by trials God is shaping us for higher things." -Henry Ward Beecher


I logged on to twitter to find that quote sitting on my home page. I then preceded to look up the definition for anvil.


Anvil (noun): a heavy iron block with a smooth face, frequently of steel, on which metals, usually heated until soft, are hammered into desired shapes.


I don't know if you know a lot about me or none at all. But for starters, I am the assistant editor of my high school newspaper this year. And this past week was my first week back at school. Our newspaper is having mounds of problems. I feel like it is holding on by a string. It has been the source of many, many frustrations this week. The things I'm dealing with in there are problems I didn't even know could exist. I feel like everything that could go wrong, has. I don't even know if our first issue is even going to come out.


Our newspaper is called The Anvil. I don't know about you, but I'm taking this quote very literally at the moment.


This morning my Sunday school teacher told me that maybe all this is happening for some reason and to trust in God's plan. I've been wanting to believe that this week. I so badly wanted that to be my attitude and my response. But it hasn't.


I don't think God could have spoken to me any more clearer. Anvils shape things. God is trying to shape me right now, but lately I've been stubborn. I love the end of that quote. God is shaping us for higher things. I'm a huge sucker for metaphors so I'm kind of bouncing off the walls at this moment. If this is cheesy to you, I'm sorry, but it's freaking me out. I'm blown away by God. He has crafted my life and the things I participate in down to perfection. I love the hope God offers us in trials and how He tells us to rejoice in them.


"Not only so, be we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5


"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:6-7


I've been feeling hurt a lot this week because of many things. I've felt abandoned. I've spent most of this week questioning God asking what exactly ARE you doing? I was listening to the radio one day and the song Before the Morning by Josh Wilson came on and I fell in love with it. The lyrics describe perfectly what God has been saying to me all week. Here is the chorus:


Would you dare, would you dare to believe

that you still have a reason to sing

cause the pain that you've been feeling

can't compare to the joy that's commin



so hold on, you got to wait for the light

just press on, and fight the good fight

because the pain that you've been feeling

is just the dark before the morning.



It's a pretty sweet song, and it was just what I needed to hear. I needed to quit throwing myself a pity party and trust God and His plan. I needed to snap out of my selfish thinking and look around. I needed to trust and hope in God again. Sometimes I wonder why God even continues to take me back. Why He even stands there with His arms open wide telling me He doesn't care where I've been or what I've done. But I'm so thankful for my God and the hope He so graciously gave me so that even in trials I have a reason to rejoice.

8.22.2010

Seniors 2011:)

So here I am. The beginning of my senior year. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. I found myself this summer in a similar situation. It was no cliff, but a tree to be exact. I was standing on a small three by three wooden board on the top of a very tall but sturdy tree. I was doing the superman at my camp as they call it. The counselor assisting me up there was making sure all my ropes and harnesses were secured as I awkwardly made small talk. Seeing that I was nervous he asked to pray over me. I knew in those moments as he prayed that if I didn't run and jump off as soon as he said go I would never do it. After he finished praying he gave me a moment to collect myself and then said one, two, THREE. I closed my eyes and somehow jumped off.

Maybe that's what I have to do tomorrow. Just close my eyes, trust God, and do it.

8.21.2010

Parents.

It used to really frustrate me how my parents always wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. They wait up for me when I go out, and they always want me to text them when I move from point A to point B. But something about them tonight struck a chord in me.

As I got home from babysitting, my mom was up waiting for me. But as I made the small 15 second walk from my car to the back door I realized something. My mom was watching for me. She knew when my car drove up in the front of our house. She normally greets me at the back door asks me a few questions, and if it is really late usually just lets me mosey up to my room. But usually she'll want to know the who, what , when, etc.

It was in those moments that I got a glimpse of my heavenly father. How He waits up for us, when we've gone out to do our own things. He's always home. He's watching out for us, and wants to know what's going on in our lives. He wants to hear us tell Him where we've been.

As I was walking to the back door I never felt more secure. I knew nothing was going to happen to me. My mom was looking out for me just like The Lord watches out for us. In Him we find our security, and our protection.

I never knew that my parents never could sleep untill I came home from events and such. Likewise God's not going to fall asleep on us. God stands vigil over us. He's not going anywhere.

School starts Monday. I might post more later about that. But in short I've been scared of losing God when school happens. I'm afraid I might chase other things besides Him. But seeing my parents tonight and how faithful they are to me brought to my mind the truth that God is faithful. Such a simple concept, but it's a pretty sweet one to hold onto.

8.19.2010

Marge goes to camp(and San Diego)

This post is long overdue. I promised Margaret a post about camp a long time ago. But you remember margaret right? Plays the french horn, likes to cook, etc...


Well she went to Camp Tallowood for the first time last summer(after much, much prodding). And here was her response on the last day.

Well she came back again this year.

Hah.

And she was pumped. Haha.

I then had the amazing privilege to spend 11 strait days with her in San Diego. I learned there that she is actually a combination of a four year old and a very old wise person, and that she is a great friend.

One night we ate dinner at Smash Burgers and I accidentally ordered a salad with blue cheese. And when I received it, it not only had blue cheese, but was covered in it. Margaret, seeing that I was essentially not eating my salad, offered to trade(even though she too did not have an incling toward the stuff). So I got to eat her blue cheese free salad, while she picked through my infested one. It seems now as I'm writing this not a big deal, she switched salad's with me, so what? But at that moment, I couldn't have been more grateful. In that small act she sacrificed something of hers for me. I saw that true friendship is not about me, and what I can get out of it, but what I can give to others.

I'm just going to take a moment and brag about Marge. She's probably going to kill me for this. She has a great attitude, one that I strive to have. In those eleven days in San Diego, where we were never more than six feet from each other, I learned that she has a great heart for the Lord. On the trip we wrote letters to each other and swapped them every other day. Through those letters we grew as friends. We were able to tell each other things through writing that we normally wouldn't say out loud. We got to the gist of things. It was our friendship at its core. I don't deserve her friendship, but I'm so thankful for it. She probably has way cooler people to hang out with than me.

She even let me put her hair in pigtails. So here is the proof she actually is a four year old prodigy.

8.17.2010

In the past 24 hours a good majority of my sentences have started with I want or I think. This is not good. I've spent so much time being frustrated and pointing fingers at other people that I haven't looked at my own life. What am I doing? But most importantly am I doing this for God or for me? The Lord has struck me with that question.

hmm..well..uhh...

yeah that's what I thought. At one point this summer I began to break before the Lord, more like crack because I've recently realized that I'm no where near done with that process. God still has more things that I've got to deal with. I don't like it. It was neat for a while, but now it's just not something I want to deal with. I'm done being vulnerable.

I pray that He will help me have the same attitude of the psalmist in psalms 139:23-24.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

8.11.2010

I think the title of this blog has never rung truer in my life than right now. My world is slowly shattering in a hard but good way. The Lord has caught my heart. This summer He has grabbed me, shaken me, and asked "what are you doing?". And that question has finally started sinking in.

The Lord's been saying "Wake up. Look at me. At my plan. Not the world's. What have you been buying into? What is the world selling to you? A nice life? Good retirement? What are you working for? Is it for me or for yourself?"

Jesus changes everything. His life, the salvation we have in Him changes everything. All our thoughts, all our actions.

So much is in my head. And I've been doing a lot of talking this summer. A lot of writing. Now it's time for some doing.

I could sit here and make promises till the end of the earth. I could swear that I'm not going to mess up. I'm not going to bye into satan's lies. I'm not going to, I'm not going to, I'm not going to.

But I'm human. And I'm slowly realizing my depravity and my need for Christ. Sometimes I consider Christ a nice addition to my life, that He is not really essential. But that couldn't be more far from the truth. We are wretched. And there is nothing more in life that we need than Christ.

I tell you this because I'm excited. In Philippians 2 Paul writes "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

I've been in a state of trembling all day. Because I'm scared. I want to head down the path that leads to Christ. I want to glorify His name. I want to seek God. But school is starting. And I need help. I need Christ. I don't want this year to be about me, and my plans, and my grades, and my status. I want to spend less time this year worrying about me and more about the Lord.

I'm afraid. Afraid of becoming a hypocrite. Of people reading this and seeing no change in my life and therefore ignoring all that I have just said. That's what scares me. But I know that God is working in me just like it says in Philippians.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Ephesians 5:14b

8.04.2010

A little bit of everything.

Disclaimer: This post is very random and may not make sense.

I've reached a point where the Lord is asking me the question of whether or not I really trust Him. I have my life planned out in my head (or at least the next year). To me everything seems to fit perfectly. The puzzle pieces are all lined up. My plans for this year, my plans for next summer, college(sorta). I was thinking tonight what if the Lord shattered my plans. My mom always told me not to play what if, but the though really struck me. God knows what's going to happen in my life. His plan is perfect, but do I really believe that? Especially if His plans don't line up with mine. It always scares me to think that things won't work out the way I want them to, but when that happens I find myself in the shelter of the Most High which I've found is a pretty sweet place to be.

I read a really cool quote the other day about scripture that said "I picked up a Bible. I waited for that nice rush that comes from holding a worn, loved copy of the Scriptures. Bibles like that have their own heat. They've been prayed over, cried on, sung with, stroked and gripped and loved so hard they just emote-just by being touched-that human loam and steam and hope that faith gives off." Beth Moore wrote in response to this "Think how thankful you are that God wrote something you can hold to your chest, rock back and forth, when your heart is shattered and your sight too blurred to read." In this bible study I'm in we've been studying a book alongside the scripture. And today we were talking about the book Radical (which by the way is a fabulous book) and we were getting somewhere. But once we pulled out our bibles and started to pick apart this one passage the whole atmosphere changed. It really struck me in that moment how powerful God's word is. Our pastor once said "a person's Bible that is falling apart, life usually isn't".

The passage we looked at today was from John 13. It was when Jesus washed his disciples feet. My youth minister had us imagine that scene, the emotion, and the feelings of the disciples. I saw the love of Christ and how Christ was the ultimate picture of humility. He was willing to serve them, to sit and wash their feet. And then he said in verses 14-15 "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one an other's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done." Christ gives us a cool challenge here. I've been thinking lately about friendship and how it's not about what you get out of it but what you give. I want to follow Christ's example here and love others like He did. I want to serve my friends, my family, and other believers.

So I never know how to end these blog posts. I feel like I should wrap up everything into a nice neat little bow or do a curtsy. I feel the need to say something like "I'm struggling with this, but don't worry I've got it under control" even when I don't. I haven't got much figured out.

(Insert well-written ending here).