Safe.

For me, lessons on patience are never lacking. I have the tendency to do things myself without any one's help and I try to accomplish things as fast as I can. And this summer when I felt God moving me to give up something I loved, and to trust in His plan I became uncertain. I wanted control of my life. I felt that I knew what was best for me. I had high school planned out. I thought uncertainty would come with college. I had a plan, and I planned to stick to it, but God thought different. I couldn't let go of it myself because frankly that made me feel like a quitter. And that was a stumbling block for me. I didn't want to give in or give up like I had seen so many people do. I had vowed to myself that I would never quit.

So many times I heard God's voice telling me to run, but I didn't see any need to. Finally, thanks to my mom, I began to see just how much I needed to let go. But that would require trusting God. For me, trusting God was easy to talk about, but actually doing it, was scary. This was a new thing for me. I'd never looked at an upcoming school year with a question mark, but that's how it appeared. My safety net was gone. I had defined myself for so many years as an athlete. But now, I wasn't even sure what I was. But the beauty of that moment was the fact that I couldn't define myself by any one thing anymore. I was finally and completely God's. And it took me awhile to realize that.

My Sunday school teacher had told us all year long that God requires us to first step out in faith and once and only once we step out do we receive the rewards and confirmations. My first confirmation came exactly two days after I called my coach and let her know that I wouldn't be playing basketball anymore. I finally knew then that God wasn't going to let me go. I was safe in His arms. Forever.

God always uses the most unlikely things to get our attention. For me, He needed to take away an activity. And at the time it seemed harsh and painful, but like all good parents He had my best interest in mind.

Back to the basics.

Whew. I'm still amazed its almost 2010. We're finally out of the "o something" years. And yes, those awesomely funny looking glasses we've been wearing since 2000 can no longer be done-truly sad. So as a New Year approaches and the talk of everything "new" and all resolutions are beginning to be made I was reminded of something new I was given. And reminded how I had been made new. Something I rarely have dwelled on.

It has been a battle, every day, and I have fallen short of God's glory immensely. And growing up I treated Jesus like I did my school work. Which, considering I went to a Christian school, wasn't hard. I thought everybody knew about Jesus. I just thought He was another subject you studied. It even took me till fourth grade to figure out that Kinkaid wasn't a Christian school. I just assumed every private school was. I knew everything I thought there was to know about Jesus.

The summer after sixth grade I was at Camp Tallowood(church camp) and I got my first glimpse of God and who He REALLY was. It blew my mind away. I never knew God wanted to have a relationship with me. I just thought I was supposed to sing songs about Him, not actually talk to Him and converse with Him. My world was turned upside down.

Honestly, daily I don't have that "blown away" feeling about God like I did at first. Lately I've been treaty Him just like I did when I was younger, like a chore. My relationship with God has become something I felt I needed to do, instead of something I wanted to do. It's been so long since I wanted God and wanted to draw closer to Him. At first I wanted to soak up everything I could about God, and now I've reached a point of pride where think I know everything. But I've recently been reminded that with God you can never know everything. I will still be learning new things till the day I die.

I'm trying to be simple with my relationship with God and go back to the beginning, where it all began. To be in awe of the cross, being renewed each day by His grace and mercy. To fully comprehend who I am and who He is. To treat God the way He deserves.

My prayer right now is that God would become my everything, like He used to be. God truly loves us. And that is something that will take me this lifetime and the next to fully comprehend.

being active.

Well, I've been inspired to blog. Maybe it'll be a temporary thing. Who knows how long this will last. I'm a story person and I could listen to stories till kingdom come. I also love to hear about people's life. Not about the on the surface kind of stuff people tell you when you ask how they're doing. But I love to hear about people's struggles and triumphs. And maybe there's someone else who shares this love. So if you do, enjoy.

I just finished reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I highly recommend it if you want to be challenged. It's full of lets just say "crazy" stuff(the good kind of crazy). But the one thing that stuck out in my mind was when Francis Chan started to talk about being lukewarm. He talked about the Laodicea church in Revelation and even gave some real life examples of what being lukewarm looks like. He then talked about how we must actively pursue Christ and he used two metaphors that have stuck out in my mind.

Following Christ is like swimming upstream in a river. Any time we stop actively pursuing Him, we fall back into the current and start going the opposite way.

Following Christ is like turning around and running up a downward escalator despite the looks and stares we get from other people.

So, here I am. Attempting to run up a downward escalator. God's not going anywhere and He's always been here. I'm the one that's iffy all the time. James 4:8 says "come near to God and he will come near to you".