So much war goes on in my soul. it's really scary to think about. Because normally, I don't feel it that much. And there is hundreds of thousands of times more warfare than I actually see. So much in my life that Satan wants to destroy. Which when I first think about it, I am so discouraged. Why am I struggling so much for my worship to be pure? Why isn't this easier? I desire pure worship so bad, but so much of me gets in the way. I'm sure Satan likes it this way, seeing me struggle in my shame and sin while being in the middle of such a ministry as this.
This is how I am encourage though. There must be something so big and powerful that the Lord is doing, that Satan is trying to thwart it in anyway He can, using areas of my life of which I am so ashamed and insecure. So I take this reminder of my shame and insecurity and remember that God is working in magnificent ways that I can not even fathom. Just as Moses' staff was his reminder of his sin, so I use my staff to lead those around me and to lead my campers. No longer do I continue to walk in what Christ has set me free from. How rude is that? To refuse the Lord's grace? For his grace is fully sufficient in my terrible weakness.
Turns out we're all so weak and insecure. Sometimes I wonder what people would think of me if they truly knew just how insecure and weak I am. I feel like they already know that, and that I need to prove it to them that I am not who they think I am. You see, the truth is, I am so humanly sinful, so full of flesh and sin that somedays I can barely function. Many days this week were so hard. I would wake up in the morning and feel like just laying there so I didn't have to face who I was. Even though I knew the sun was about to rise and it was time to sing the Lord's song, I really just wanted to sit in my bed and sing it from there. But the thing is, you've got to get out of bed. No one is any good singing the Lord's song in bed, when He has called you to this day. It doesn't' matter where your bed is, just as long as you rise from it singing His song all the way until you put your head back down at night. I feel like that is what it truly means to follow Christ, to wake up each morning glorifying the Lord and to walk in that all day long until you put your head on your pillow and the day is done. The Lord gives us just enough strength to live through each day.
