7.30.2010

I have learned today...

that cookie dough really does make everything better.

to never ever let someone follow you home, even if they have a good reason to.

that you need an account at Blockbuster to rent a movie.

to look both ways before making a left turn.

that parking spots that look empty usually have a motorcycle in them.

that Hot Pockets really are hot, and usually the plate is too.

to always, always stop at a red light, or a yellow light that is about to turn red.


I feel today has been quite a success.

7.26.2010

Where to start?

According to the clock on my computer it is 11:05. According to my body, it is 9:05. Now normally that fact would bring me to many other places, and most primarily my bed. But tonight it has brought me here. I should probably write about San Diego, right?
But where do I start? The plane ride? Our first concert? The first day of mission work? I've found lately that word's have not done this trip justice. That every time I try to compile my thoughts they somehow slip out of my head before I can get them down. I try to talk about it and everything becomes cheesy and cliché, but it was the farthest from that. On Sunday we sang at Lake Avenue Church. The pastor there made an interesting point in his sermon when he said that it has been determined that communication is 90% body language (or 80% or something like that, I paid attention I promise).
I've been thinking a lot about what a writer is, and what its role is in society (trying to figure out college and majors has done this to me). How does a writer paint a picture? How do they convey what they want to say? I think the best picture we can paint is our lives. Writing is great. But I can sit here and ramble on forever about The Lord and who He is in my life but until you see me live that out, everything I write is baseless. Words are nothing without action.
This is a huge challenge to me. I would like to say hold me to what I have just written, but I know I'm going to mess up. I so badly want the Lord to be everything to me all day, everyday, but He's not. There's days where I want to run far from The Lord. But I'm thankful at this moment that The Lord isn't finished with me yet.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

7.15.2010

San Diego.

I leave for San Diego tomorrow morning and I'm pumped to say the least.

I'm on a drama team at my church. And Monday night we gathered together for our last rehearsal before leaving for San Diego. We, as a team, were broken and divided. And here our team was, four days from our big mission trip, shattered and hanging on by a string. The reasons for this are unimportant, as we all contributed to the state we were in.

But I was glad our director made us sit down, and figure it all out. I'm glad we learned to forgive. And I'm glad we were able to let the Lord build us back up together, as a team.

These guys mean a lot to mean, and I wasn't ready for Satan to tear us down. We had worked too hard to fall apart now.

But what shocked me the most about those moments was not that the Lord pulled us back together but the realization of who Satan is. He wants to destroy us, bad. John 10:10 says that Satan wants to "steal, kill and destroy". There is a battle going on. And Satan is eventually going to lose. We all know that, even he knows that. And he wants as many people destroyed as possible.

Our director pointed out that he realized that the Lord must be planning some big things in San Diego if Satan is going to try to destroy us like this. And I'm excited.

We will be in San Diego for 11 days. I ask for prayer as we go out not only for Tallowood Players but also for our youth group as a whole. Pray that our hearts would be in the right place and that the Lord would use us.

If you want to see a little bit of what players is check this out. It's from one of our rehearsals so it's a little rough...

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=435983206153&subj=706976986


7.11.2010

Being content.

There are some days where I'm really frustrated with who I am. I'm frustrated that I'm where I am. I'm frustrated I'm still in high school. I'm frustrated that I'm only 18. I'm frustrated that I'm not where I want to be with the Lord. Frustrated that I have to wait for the Lord to reveal His plans to me. Frustrated that I mess up.

I feel so unworthy. I don't even know why I write this blog. I don't want it to be about me, but somehow I always make it that way. I want to impress people. I want people to think I'm wise, etc.

I care so much about other people's opinion. I struggle with this a whole whole lot.

The Lord has been teaching me the past couple days to be content with who I am and where I am. God's plain is perfect, and I shouldn't question it. I still have one more year of high school for a reason. I'm 18 for a reason. I'm who I am for a reason. I struggle for a reason.

I'm thrilled to be a senior, but I'm also scared. I'm excited to see where the Lord is going to lead me and what He is going to teach me, but I'm also afraid of losing Him along the way.

I can't wait to go back to my school. This is my last year there. That's crazy. I pray that the Lord would work in me this year.

So now you know a little bit more about who writes this blog. An insecure, messed up, struggling, high school senior. The Lord has a lot of work to do in me. And for once, I think I'm ok with that.

7.07.2010

The Best Laid Plans.

I wasn't supposed to quit.

I only suited up for two varsity games. The final season game against Alief Taylor and the first round playoff game against Katy Taylor. We lost both. We weren't very good.

I was supposed to play on varsity.

I walked in freshman year full of myself, my abilities, and my dreams. Being put on JV as a freshman only furthered those notions.

I was supposed to have a letterman jacket.

It was a rough two years on JV. But I finally got the varsity uniform handed to me one tuesday afternoon.

I wasn't supposed to quit.

It was the end of the season so naturally they started to move people up. It was a good sign. Varsity would be mine the next year. Finally.

I was supposed to prove them wrong.

I never stepped foot on the court during those two varsity games. My name was never put on the roster. I never had my picture hanging in the gym.

I wasn't supposed to quit.

I loved basketball. It was what I knew. It was familiar. I was comfortable.

Run.

I'm supposed to be on varsity. I'm not going to give up. That's not for me. I don't give up.

Run.

This has been my one goal for high school. I set out to be on varsity. I'm not letting go.

My plan is perfect.

No. Just...no.

I'm here, and I'm waiting.

This is who I am. I'm not going to give it up.

Let me in.



Welcome home.

I wasn't supposed to quit.






7.06.2010

This is where the healing begins.

How easily do I define myself through circumstances. How easily do I let insecurity creep back in. How easily do I become prideful. How easily do I let so many things fill me besides The Lord. How easily do I turn away.

Prone to wander Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

Lists are amazing. But most of all, checking things off the list is a truly a glorious feeling. Lately, I've made myself a summer to do list from big things like college aps all the way down to writing my friends at camp a letter.

A friend and I are doing the Beth Moore bible study on Esther together this summer. And it's, to say the least, challenging. It's a slower walk through Esther's story than I would have originally liked. But, the more I study the scripture in small bites like this, the more I can savor everything.

Last night I jumped back into the bible study after two weeks at camp, and The Lord really taught me something. It was a lot to swallow. But it was good. And so I set aside time this morning before going to work to do today's bible study.

This morning I did it, but my heart was not in it. I knew life with Christ was going to be a daily battle. I knew there would be mornings coming where I wouldn't want the Lord. I've said that to myself over and over again. But we all know saying and doing are two different things.

I don't blog because I have it all together. I feel I need to get that out there. And I haven't figured much out. My youth minister once told us that she doesn't have all the answers but knows the One who does. And that's where I stand today.

So I ask for prayer. I'm at a place where I want to go farther with the Lord, but I'm having a hard time accomplishing that. I want to run. Run from the things the Lord is teaching me. Run away from train wreck that I am.

And thank you for reading my blog.

7.03.2010

Found in You.

There is so much to say. And my head is spinning. (Not literally) but you get the point. I'll start by saying that The Lord is moving me and moving in me. And I'm so thankful for that. It's going to take a while for me to process these past few weeks.

But in the past 14 days or so I cried. And I laughed. And I danced. And jumped. And wept. And broke.

Well, it was a rainy weeks at the Shores. It poured everyday except Sunday and Monday. And I was probably the only one who enjoyed that. I had never been at Pine Cove when it rained before. In fact, it has never been anything but blue skies and sunshine as far as I can remember. But I experienced a new side of Pine Cove this week, and from that a new side of the Lord.

If you've never been to the Shores, it's gorgeous to say the least. I'll try to post a picture sometime so you can get what I'm talking about. Basically the whole camp is on a hill or incline per say and at the bottom is Lake Palestine. And normally on a clear non-raining day you can sit on the shore and see the other side of the lake. It's far away but you can see that there are houses and civilization on the other side. Essentially, you can see the other side.

But when a storm hits all you see is what looks like a mist. And the other side of the lake disappears. You can't see the other side.

I know I'm walking into a whirlwind. I know life with Christ is a struggle and a fight. Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of faith". I know there is a storm waiting for me. And it's going to mess up plans. And at points I'm not going to be able to see God's plan or the other side of it.

But I have a refuge. And I need refuge. Just like we took shelter at PC from the rain so The Lord needs to be my refuge.

I'm learning so much. I'm wrestling and searching and digging. And I'm loving it. But I'm also scared because I'm finding things that I don't want to deal with right now. The Lord is breaking down walls I've hid behind for years and I'm afraid to be vulnerable. I'm afraid that I won't look like I have it all together, cause I don't. I'm a mess. But I've learned that being a mess does not keep us from Christ or from having faith in Him.

I'm thankful that I encountered The Lord and that I'm not the same person I was two weeks ago. I want to continue to grow. And I want more of Christ.