As far as this whole college process goes, I'm extremely impatient. A few nights ago I'd had enough. I've always tried to go to the Lord with the right attitude, and I feel that to pray to God I had to have everything sorted out. But I've been so frustrated with the Lord lately that I just flat out stopped talking to Him. But a couple of days ago, I finally let it all out. I was angry at the Lord, frustrated, and just plain sick and tired of waiting around for Him and His timing.

It was just what I needed and it felt good. I finally got somewhere with God. Even though my prayer consisted mainly of me complaining and ranting to the Lord, it was honest and raw. I feel that we as Christians often hide our struggles. We hide behind masks and walls both in front of God and the people around us. But the reality is none of us ever have everything under control or are struggle free. And I feel that we as Christians should be more open about what we're really going through, especially with God. He already knew that I was angry and frustrated with Him before I ever told Him, but it was nice to finally voice my struggles. It was freeing to let the Lord come in the fort I had hid inside.

I once saw a bumper sticker on someone's car that said "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." I think we as Christians become so caught up in what other's think about us, that we start to believe that we should be free of sin. But being a follower of Christ is just the opposite. We are sinful creatures. Even though we are Christians, we still slip up. That's why Christ died. And we should embrace our struggles and praise the Lord for the undeserved grace that He gave us knowing that with Christ we have hope, even in the midst of a storm.

My #1 Advocate

Christmas is always a dual celebration at our house. Turns out my Mimi and Jesus have the same birthday. Who knew she was THAT old? But that's besides the point.

To tell you that my grandmother is selfless, caring, and joyful would do no good because I feel like those are words you can pin on almost anybody. My Mimi is not just anybody. She exemplifies 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

I love getting a call from my grandmother, especially on days where I feel far from the Lord. She will listen on the other end as I tell her all that is going on. And before she hangs up she always says "Now Mary Helen, I just want you to know that you are being prayed for constantly, you don't ever forget that." And it's on those days, that I need that reminder the most.

My Mimi would do anything for just about anybody. She puts others needs before herself. She would drive half way around the world to get something for one of us if we asked. I know that if the whole world failed me, my Mimi would still have my back.

Lately I've realized the importance of who my Mimi has been to me. And I think it will take me a very long time to fully understand all she has done for me. She is an amazing blessing in my life daily, and one that I don't deserve. She loves on me, cares for me, and prays for me.

Besides Jesus, she's my #1 advocate.

For all purposes of probably jumping the gun, here are my college goals. Yes, I know I'm still not even a second semester senior. But, in the process of trying to pick a college I have found that to have peace about my decision, I have to get some things straight, which has gotten me thinking "what do I want to accomplish in the next four years of my life?". Here's what I've come up with:

1. To glorify God; Above everything else, I want this to be my driving force. I want to be driven by what will make God's name known, and not seek to better myself.
2. To seek God; I want the Lord to reign sovereign in my life. I want to reach a point where He is enough for me.
3. To lose myself; I want to become selfless. College can not be about me. I want to wake up in the morning concerned less about myself than about God and His Kingdom.
4. To be myself; I've always tried to be someone I'm not. I desire to be the women the Lord created me to be, and to use the talents God gave me to serve Him.
5. To find community; I want to find a church that serves the Lord and plug into it. And not necessarily a church as in a building, but a community. I want to be apart of something like the early church in Acts.

These are my goals. And as long as Jesus leads, I'll follow Him wherever, even if that means I'm not necessarily going to be comfortable.

Life behind a lense

I love to celebrate. I love having a reason to jump around and scream. This past Saturday, I was in the perfect place.

For our football team's playoff run, I have turned into a makeshift photographer for the newspaper as our photographers were busy elsewhere. Funny story is, I fell in love with photography, and was privileged with a front seat view to one of the most historic games in all of our schools history.

Taking photos at the football games has been a blessing. For the first time, I really saw my school. As a photographer, I had to be attentive to all that was going on around me. I had to be concerned with something other than myself, and I had to take myself out of the picture. The Lord showed me during these games, the people that I've spent the last three years with. He showed me their passion, their integrity, and their beauty.



Saturday's win was a surprise, but a good one. Standing on the field with about 7,000 people celebrating behind me in the stands as the clock winded down was an experience I will never forget. I felt like I was dropped in the middle of a movie like Remember the Titans or Facing the Giants. The front page of the Anvil is beautiful to say the least and has a nice, CAN'T TOUCH THIS, headline.

Senior year has sent me searching for my identity. But I'm thankful that the Lord has finally gripped my heart and grabbed my attention. I'm finally listening, and uncovering who I really am. Everything that I've fought for so long, I am now accepting, and accepting with gladness. I've been asking the Lord "where do you want me to go?". And I think He just might be calling me to say right where I am, in a sense. What does all this mean? I don't know, I'm just 18. I don't have all the answers. But thankfully, I know someone who does.