This is where the healing begins.

How easily do I define myself through circumstances. How easily do I let insecurity creep back in. How easily do I become prideful. How easily do I let so many things fill me besides The Lord. How easily do I turn away.

Prone to wander Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

Lists are amazing. But most of all, checking things off the list is a truly a glorious feeling. Lately, I've made myself a summer to do list from big things like college aps all the way down to writing my friends at camp a letter.

A friend and I are doing the Beth Moore bible study on Esther together this summer. And it's, to say the least, challenging. It's a slower walk through Esther's story than I would have originally liked. But, the more I study the scripture in small bites like this, the more I can savor everything.

Last night I jumped back into the bible study after two weeks at camp, and The Lord really taught me something. It was a lot to swallow. But it was good. And so I set aside time this morning before going to work to do today's bible study.

This morning I did it, but my heart was not in it. I knew life with Christ was going to be a daily battle. I knew there would be mornings coming where I wouldn't want the Lord. I've said that to myself over and over again. But we all know saying and doing are two different things.

I don't blog because I have it all together. I feel I need to get that out there. And I haven't figured much out. My youth minister once told us that she doesn't have all the answers but knows the One who does. And that's where I stand today.

So I ask for prayer. I'm at a place where I want to go farther with the Lord, but I'm having a hard time accomplishing that. I want to run. Run from the things the Lord is teaching me. Run away from train wreck that I am.

And thank you for reading my blog.