Found in You.

There is so much to say. And my head is spinning. (Not literally) but you get the point. I'll start by saying that The Lord is moving me and moving in me. And I'm so thankful for that. It's going to take a while for me to process these past few weeks.

But in the past 14 days or so I cried. And I laughed. And I danced. And jumped. And wept. And broke.

Well, it was a rainy weeks at the Shores. It poured everyday except Sunday and Monday. And I was probably the only one who enjoyed that. I had never been at Pine Cove when it rained before. In fact, it has never been anything but blue skies and sunshine as far as I can remember. But I experienced a new side of Pine Cove this week, and from that a new side of the Lord.

If you've never been to the Shores, it's gorgeous to say the least. I'll try to post a picture sometime so you can get what I'm talking about. Basically the whole camp is on a hill or incline per say and at the bottom is Lake Palestine. And normally on a clear non-raining day you can sit on the shore and see the other side of the lake. It's far away but you can see that there are houses and civilization on the other side. Essentially, you can see the other side.

But when a storm hits all you see is what looks like a mist. And the other side of the lake disappears. You can't see the other side.

I know I'm walking into a whirlwind. I know life with Christ is a struggle and a fight. Paul writes in 1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of faith". I know there is a storm waiting for me. And it's going to mess up plans. And at points I'm not going to be able to see God's plan or the other side of it.

But I have a refuge. And I need refuge. Just like we took shelter at PC from the rain so The Lord needs to be my refuge.

I'm learning so much. I'm wrestling and searching and digging. And I'm loving it. But I'm also scared because I'm finding things that I don't want to deal with right now. The Lord is breaking down walls I've hid behind for years and I'm afraid to be vulnerable. I'm afraid that I won't look like I have it all together, cause I don't. I'm a mess. But I've learned that being a mess does not keep us from Christ or from having faith in Him.

I'm thankful that I encountered The Lord and that I'm not the same person I was two weeks ago. I want to continue to grow. And I want more of Christ.

Wherever You Lead.

I am so extremely excited about the next two weeks. Excited to see the Lord move. Excited to see old friends. Excited to get away for a while. But I'm also afraid. Afraid of missing what the Lord has in store for me. Afraid that I'll take my time for granted. Afraid of it ending. I've heard that fear is the flip side of excitement, or something along those lines so maybe that has something to do with it.

I don't know what the next two weeks will bring, but I've learned from past experiences that God's plan is perfect and that He is in control. I am thrilled to go back to the place where I got baptized. Back to the place where the Lord brought me to my knees for the first time. Back to the place where I first experienced true community. Back to the place where the Lord proved to me that He is faithful.

I ask for prayer for not only me but all the students and sponsors going to Camp Tallowood, for the staff at Camp Eagle, and for those going to Pine Cove and the staff there as well. I don't know much going into these weeks but I know that we serve a mighty God, and that His plan is far greater than we can ever imagine.

The one with the letter

My birthday is on Friday. And my brother's is the week after. I should not be 18, and he should most definitely not be 20. Today we(my parents and I) received a letter from him at camp. It brought me to tears, and made me realize that he IS going to be 20 and that I have never been more proud to be his sister. I saw how wise he is and how much he loves the Lord. I started to picture him tired and exhausted from a day at work, pen in hand, attempting to convey all that God is doing at Pine Cove. I could hear the joy in his words as he described the friends he's strived with and see the journey God is leading him on. There was a softness in him that made me want to hop in my car, drive up to Tyler, and sit at his side and lean on him. There was also a part of me that wanted to take him away from this place, to make him come home. I miss him, alot. But I know full well he is in the Lord's will there. And I am so thankful for Pine Cove and their ministry.

My brother is awesome. Be jealous. :)

A little injustice and a lot of information.

I have for years tried to describe Margaret Winchell. Most of the time people don't get her, and end up questioning my friendship with her. And that's ok. Let's just see if I can do her some justice this time.
I met Margaret in 7th grade. A game of water hockey on a scotch guarded tablecloth and a little bit of fate brought us together. We soon moved on to 8th grade where we seemed to compete for a very important spot at a table-the head. And usually I got creepy glances if she beat me to it. Thus our friendship started. And thus middle school ended.
Now, you're probably wondering why there are so many pictures of Margaret Winchell with a muskmelon? (and what IS a muskmelon for crying out loud?). Well if you must know, well, just see for yourself.

See what I mean? Anyway, back to me and Marge.

I soon learned that pictures were not her favorite. And that to straiten her hair, there was going to have to be a lot of coaxing, and running. Also, she sports some pretty sweet PJs. She also plays the French horn, and spends most of her free time on facebook. She goes to a preforming arts school and is the editor-in-cheif of the newspaper there. She rarely goes to bed before midnight. Although there was once a time when she refused to turn on her phone, she can now be never caught without it. She drives a burb with a pretty sweet bumper sticker. I have been in a continuous poke war with her since summer 07. She wrote me a letter at camp last summer complete with sticky notes, a Venn Diagram, and Christian pick up lines. Spotting her at the contemporary service is a rare novelty and usually saved for when players preform. She is WAY too busy and loves every minute of it. She took AP Bio, AP Physics, and French IV online all in the same year. She does school work for fun in the summer. We have had a good ten post conversation on facebook all ending in -ski. She loves, Glee, 24, and Gilmore Girls.
So there you have it. You have now been introduced to the most interesting person I know. Stay tuned. Next up? Marge goes to camp. I'll leave you in suspense...

Life

I feel like a kid stuck inside on a rainy day. I'm cooped up and I have a lot of energy. I also feel like everyone else can go out and play in the rain, and I'm inside. I want to join in with everybody else, I want to run, I want to scream, I want to dance, I want to yell "GOODBYE JUNIOR YEAR", I want to have a victory dance, I want to breathe, and I want to burn all my school work.

But none the less, I have finals. I'm a complainer and have definitely done my share of complaining this week while watching friend after friend throw in the towel and say hello to summer. But I feel the Lord working in me through this frustrating time.

I have run out of every ounce of energy in my body. I am drained. Getting up each morning and just being at school is a daunting task. I am frustrated and impatient.

On the way home from impact tonight the song "I Will Worship While I'm Waiting" came on. It stopped me dead on. The idea, to worship while you're waiting, stuck in my head.

About 30 min before at Impact the speaker was talking about drugs and alcohol. But at one point he talked about the idea of living your life sold out for Christ. Completely, and wholly being a servant of Christ. He read out of Romans 1 which says

"Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life-and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. "

I've been riding on the fence with my relationship with God for a while. I've put him aside to chase after, well, my school work. If any of you know me, you know I'm a perfectionist and I also get stressed really easily. Best quality? Probably not. The Lord has brought it to my attention time and time again that He has not been first, and that my school work has taken a place in my life that is reserved for Him. It has honestly consumed me this year.

And that fact brings me to where I am now. So close to being done with school. Seems like my problem is basically over, and that with summer coming I can focus on God since school is out of the way. I've contemplated the idea, but then I think that school will start again, and it will end again, and then start again. And then after school is out, I'll start working. I feel that there will always be something that competes with my relationship with Christ. And so, this problem will not go away.

I don't have all the answers and I want to run from God. I feel ashamed that I fret about such silly stuff. But God keeps calling me back. His voice has been very quiet this year, mostly because I've been trying to silence it. But I can't. I can't ignore God. He's standing there with arms wide open ready to embrace me.

I don't think I have the strength to go to God. I think He's going to have to carry me across the finish line this time. But that's ok, I know God wants me however I am, all bruised and stained with my sin.

I will worship while I'm waiting and while I'm complaining, and while I'm stuck inside . I will run the race even while I wait. I will move ahead in confidence, taking every step in obedience.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:3-8

Spring Break

Around 33 hours of my spring break was spent in the car. My family and I embarked on the stereotypical "college road-trip" and crossed a total of 7 states in our trusty old suburban. My feelings toward this trip was anything but excitement. Looking at colleges was just not the way I wanted to spend my spring break. And long car rides in general are just not my thing.

But thus I went, and I found two schools I liked and ended up enjoying myself along the way. I even began to enjoy the long car rides. I got to clear my head, and get away from my normal day-to-day routine.

One of the schools I visited was Union University in Jackson, TN. And at the end of the tour they gave me two books. One of them was about the tornado that hit their campus two years ago and destroyed a good bit of it. The marvel of that event was that nobody was killed.

So on our last stretch from Oxford, MS to good ol' H-Town I began to read the book. It was called God in the Whirlwind. Each chapter was a different account of a student or faculty member's experience of the tornado. So many students escaped death by mere inches and seconds. And it was an eye opening experience to read.

I was reminded of who God was. Not of how marvelous He was for sparing the lives of the students and faculty at Union (but He IS to be praised for that) but of how God strengthens those who trust in Him at their weakest moments.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I'm a complainer. And I've been throwing myself a pity-party for a while now. I've been acting like a six year old in my relationship with God. I'm frustrated God won't give me what I want. And I'm mad He won't make things easier for me.

And through the stories of the Union students who saw God work His best when they were at their weakest I was reminded of how God uses every situation for good.

Faith and trust in God has been something I've been lacking lately. Maybe that's why I'm just not to thrilled about this whole college process. Because for the first time my future is uncertain. And I have no certainty as to where I will be attending college. NONE. I have ideas, but nothing is decided. I was hoping I would walk on a college campus and just know that this is where I'm supposed to be. But I realized this past week that I am going to have to trust God. And that He will reveal His plans in His time, not mine.

I want to be in control of my future. I don't like uncertainty. But I know God, and I know He has plans for me beyond my wildest dream. I've just got to lay mine down first.

Gratitude.

If only I had some insight to share. If only I could impart some wisdom about what I've learned. But I tried to write something like that and then deleted it. I believe that what I'm trying to say is better conveyed in a song.

So here are the lyrics to the last part of the song Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman. This is what I'm striving for, to reach a place in my relationship with God where I can say that no matter what God, I'm going to be thankful, because truly God, with you, I am blessed.

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .